Coyotes @ Red Wings

DEFEAT

4 : Phoenix Coyotes @ Detroit Red Wings : 2

I feel compelled to note that I really tried with this recap, but it was actually a rather boring game. So if some of the highlights are a little more ridiculous than normal, that's why. I was trying to save myself from complete boredom.

Some Notes From The Game:

Jimmah is out with back spasms. Oh god.

We begin with that awful feeling of dread. Even the announcers sound a little dry tonight, and they certainly offered up very few decent replays.

It's of note that we've managed to bring up MacDonald by throwing Raffi and Drapes on injured reserve.

The First Period:

First penalty of the night is to Kindl for elbowing. Way to set the tone, shmuck.

Every time I see that shmuck Shane Doan wearing the sacred number 19, my insides boil.

Darren Helm throws a party in the offensive zone. Nothing else of note during the successful penalty kill. 

Nothing much until the 13 minute mark, when Shane Doan dumps Holmstrom.

Shmuck

Doan takes a few moments afterward to whine at the ref, who probably told him to clean up.

Next, Kindl does him best impersonation of a pylon and a Coyote scores.

 Ozzie tries

Immediately following this, Modano hooks a Coyote, who sells it. Modano heads to the box in shame.

 At least you kept both hands on the stick

The Coyotes score again.

I have my suspicions about the outcome of this game.

The refs start to feel bad for us and give us a power play by calling a Coyote for holding.

We squander it, even though our first unit stays out for the whole thing.

The Coyotes nab a shorthanded goal in the dying seconds of the power play by beating Ozzie straight up.

 Not pictured: MacDonald's rising hopes for some action

Yup.

More pity from the refs. They call a Coyote for a weak trip on Franzen.

There's a scrum around the Coyote goal as Homer and Zetterberg try their hand at digging for gold. Nothing comes of that.

Funny moment when Lidstrom breaks his stick on a slap shot from the left point. The puck ends up following the boards around and in front of the benches. Lidstrom chases after it, grabbing a stick from the bench on the way. The announcers enjoy it, and make a few baton passing remarks.

 Baton pass

The fourth line, towards the end of the period, has an absolutely amazing shift. It looked like a power play.

The first line comes out and has a good shift as well.

The second line draws a crosschecking penalty.

In the power play, Lidstrom gets a great shot on goal. The rebound is given up, but Hudler banks it off Bertuzzi's skate instead of into the goal.

Hudler continues to be useless

The period mercifully ends.

The Second Period:

We start off with the rest of our power play. It produces nothing.

Modano steals a puck and tries his hand. Nope.

The Eurotwins throw a party. Datsyuk has an incredibly sick moment where he banks a shot off the net and just dekes the living daylights out of a Coyote. It was amazing. 

This plays makes it to YouTube

 

The party thrown by the first line lasts for a good minute thirty before Holmstrom, who gets dumped at least six times, finally crosschecks the hell outta someone and gets thrown into the box.

By the time the play finally moves into our end five minutes into the period, we've out-shot the Coyotes 7-0.

We successfully kill off the penalty, but not before Datsyuk throws another party in the offensive zone. A pass to Janik presents an excellent opportunity, but Janik fans on the pass. It's called a one-timer, shmuck.

At least the effort is not wasted, as the play draws a holding penalty. We go back to the power play.

The Coyotes have a very iffy shift change that somehow results in an shorthanded almost-chance. I say almost because they somehow fan on it in front of Ozzie.

Bryz gets a penalty for playing the puck outside of the trapezoid, putting us on yet another power play.

First time in the history of the NHL this call is made

Datsyuk tries to win the game by himself. He does a pretty good job.

During the power play, we manage to scrape something together. 

Franzen's goal:

Lidstrom walks the puck to the middle. Fakes the shot, passes to Hudler. Hudler rocks a nice shot-pass to Franzen, who deflects it home.

The Wings finally get on the board

Career goal number 99 for Franzen. Almost there, buddy.

A pretty decent hockey game is played for the rest of the period. Ozzie make a few good, reassuring saves.

The Third Period:

Some banter amongst the announcers about Shanny, who stopped by earlier to say hello. Shanny agrees that Pavel Datsyuk has some sick skills.

Nothing of note the first four minutes of the period.

Holmstrom's goal:

We start off by Bryz absolutely robbing Datsyuk no less than three times in the span of three seconds. Datsyuk gets three shots off, each of which rebound off Bryz. The final one hovers on the gound right next to the goal post. And then Holmstrom, realizing he needs to get into the Office pronto, has hurried around the back on the goal and is in prime position to smack it in between the goal post and Bryz's late attempt to block the opening with his skate.

 Holmstrom collecting garbage

Mick, Ken, and Larry show vast amounts of approval for this play.

Seconds after this goal, Bertuzzi heads to the box for cross checking.

God damnit, Tuzzi.

No worries, as it all works out moments later when Darren Helm, going for a shorthanded chance, draws a high-sticking penalty.

4 on 4 hockey ensues.

Nothing exciting. We get Tuzzi back from the box, and we get a short power play.

We get robbed by Bryz. Ugh.

A commercial break rewards us with a short interview with Bertuzzi, who broke his leg in Vancouver and thought he might try to learn some guitar. His fingers are too big, however, and that idea was quickly dismissed.

A quick shot upstairs of some old friends -

 Looking as good as ever, Shanny

Nothing much for a bit. 

At one point, Babs decides to use his time out to rest our tired fourth line, and Ken hopes it's not a waste if we need it in the final minute or so.

Holmstrom takes a penalty by shoving a Coyote defender into their goalie. Everyone agrees it was a dumb penalty to take.

Smart

Stuart freight-trains someone during the penalty kill in frustration.

Helm does his thing and throws a one-man party in the offensive zone. Again. Him and Datsyuk are the only ones who decided to play a complete game of hockey tonight.

We successfully kill off the penalty.

Helm does his thing. Again.

We narrow in on the final minutes of the period. 

A few parties are thrown in the offensive zone.

In the final minute thirty, Ken remarks that it's a shame we used our time out, as the Datsyuk line could have used the rest to make the most of the remaining time in the period. Ironic!

This remark is immediately followed by the Coyotes icing the puck.

This forces the Coyotes to take a time out to rest their tired players, but also gives us the same courtesy.

Ken and Mick are vastly amused.

So we sit at about a minute left. Much discussion is had regarding the faceoff. If we do this right, we can tie the game up and force overtime.

We win the faceoff, and attempt to rock their worlds.

What actually happens is Kronwall makes two very bad plays, and the Coyotes score on our empty net.

Damn

Oh well.

Don't Think We Didn't Notice:

Kindl, after his awful showing in the first period, gets two shifts in the second, and exactly one in the third.

His shift in the third? Takes place right after the Coyotes ice their victory, and encompasses the final, pointless 58 seconds of the game.

No one served with pride.