Saturday, March 19, 2011

Red Wings @ Predators

1 : Detroit Red Wings @ Nashville Predators : 3

Some Notes From The Game:

We're missing Hulder to the flu, Datsyuk and Franzen to lower body injuries, and Salei is still being a baby-daddy over in Cali.

The First Period:

The Preds fans, those hillbilly fucks, start up a DETROIT SUCKS chant.

Cleary and a Pred get into a horrific open-ice collision. No screenshot because the camera-man wasn't interested in getting a good view, but trust me... it was ridiculous.

Cleary limps away, but seems okay.

It takes about three minutes of play time to realize that the refs don't intend on calling anything this match. Good lord.

Then Erat decides it would be okay to try and take Abby's head off. Stuart broke his jaw in a somewhat similar play. Abby skates painfully to the bench.

Not good
Stuart gets smoked.

Bertuzzi crashes into the net during some crease chaos, and we finally get a halt in play. The Abby hit doesn't look any better on the replay.

Don't mind me...

We start another party in the offensive zone, where Zetterberg makes a nice pass to Miller, who's coming off the bench. Miller just manages to catch the pass before it goes offside, getting a great shot off that Rinne denies. The puck is in the crease and Cleary goes digging for gold and gets smoked for his troubles. He skates rather painfully back to the bench.

Not good either...
Seriously, Danny. That's enough of that, please. Piet tends to him on the bench.

Piet telling Danny to stop breaking himself, plzkthnx

A few minutes of playoff hockey. Kronwall goes fishing on offense and gets rocked into the boards for his troubles. Modano shows his prowess in playing emergency defenseman.

And then, the scariest thing you will ever see in the sport of hockey.

Lidstrom down on the ice, and not getting back up.
Sweet baby Jesus.

Lidstrom is the recipient of a rather harmless looking check from Legwand (completely unnecessary as well, seeing as how Lidstrom did not have the puck, and if there were actually referees on the ice tonight I would have liked to see something called here. 2 minutes for being a dickwad, perhaps). At any rate, Lidstrom gets knocked off balance and goes sliding on his knees into the boards.

Oh, you son of a bitch...
Piet tends to him on the ice after the team makes sure to let the Preds know how not-cool that is.

That was Nicklas Lidstrom you just checked! Not cool!
Nick skates back to the bench under his own power. No trips to the locker room for Lidstrom.

Nick hasn't missed a regular season game since December 27th to the 30th in 2008. Just so you know.

Play continues. Lidstrom makes it back out on the ice a few minutes later. Thank god.

And then makes one of those plays that he's so famous for. Tootoo and some other Pred are on a two-on-one break with Lids as the man back. Tootoo drags the puck along, looking across ice at his Pred partner in preparation to make the cross-ice pass. Lidstrom watches him, and for no reason whatsoever gives up watching for the cross-ice pass in favor of getting his stick down to block a shot on goal. Sure enough, a second later Tootoo forgoes the pass in favor of the shot, which Jimmah blocks.

Yeah, I can read minds too...
It looks even more pro on the replay. Good lord.

Kronwall breaks his stick. And takes Modano's. What a gentleman.

And then Eaves and Weber shove each other around. Weber, who is being a complete douche-bag this match, decides to dump him into the boards. Eaves is no worse for wear, but objectively speaking this was a very dangerous play.

C'mere, bitch...

A minor line scrum takes place, with Eaves shoving around Weber, Drapes matching up with Erat and Ward, and Helm and Lidstrom hovering in the outskirts.

Finally, Weber emerges from this with a penalty and the Wings garner the first power play of the match.

We fumble the initial entry a bit, wasting some valuable seconds. Zetterberg clearly gets interfered with, drawing much ire from Ken and Mick.

Kindl gets some time on the power play. Hard work pays off, eh kid?

Kronwall's goal:

Filppula with possession in the right faceoff circle. He slides it over to Kronwall, who's quick enough to just keep it from going offside. He lets the slapshot go, which ricochets off the goalpost and in.

You all saw it
 Oh, wait. Nope. Waived off by the ref for goalie interference. On Tomas Holmstrom, of course.

I'll let you be the ref.
Ken remarks that Holmstrom just needs a smaller butt.

Whatever. Fuck these refs.

Filppula gets rocked into the boards, drawing an elbowing penalty. Kostitsyn heads to the box on a 2 mins for Man Sandwich .

Filppula Sandwich. Delicious.
Cleary's goal:

Bertuzzi with the puck in the left faceoff, passes to Zetterberg, who dangles around a sprawled Pred defender and makes a sickening pass under Rinne's stick and right onto Cleary's stick, which is waiting in the paint.

Bingo, Bango

Weber finishes the period by destroying Helm into the Pred's bench. Lovely.

Danny does the intermission interview, making sure to remove the jersey.

Hi, Danny.
The Second Period:

Eaves hits a goal post. And rocks Tootoo.

Good. That's what he gets for inspiring those god awful train whistles I'm forced to endure for the two hours I spend watching this game.

The refs miss a pretty blatant offside. Whatever. We'll take it.

Kindl has some fun on offense.

Cleary heads to the box for holding when Fisher (also know as Carrie Underwood's husband) gets a good chance and there's a mad scramble outside our crease.

Penalty kill time. Eaves takes a Shea Weber shot off the ankle. Which has been known to kill lesser men.

Umm... ow?
We're shorthanded and there's no whistle from the refs, so Kronwall decides to literally shovel Eaves towards the bench. It was rather undignified.

Don't worry, bro, I've got this mess

 The linesman gives him a hand the rest of the way. Kindl and Piet drag him onto the bench.

C'mon, man, we're trying to play some hockey here. Get out of the way.
When Eaves eventually gets seated on the bench, we get a camera focus on him - good lord he's in a world of hurt.

Ohhhh it hurts-
This sequence makes the front page, by the way.

No joy for the Preds on their power play. Shmucks. Jimmah stones everything.

Then Geoffrion scores when he skips a puck over Jimmah. Damn. Tie game.


Ken and Mick point this out, and I want to make sure and include this. Abdelkader has a bead on a wide open Weber, who is up against the boards playing for the puck and just screaming to get checked - his douchiness this match certainly calls for it - and so Abby obediantly goes diving for the check. Except Weber loses his footing, so Abby recognizes the danger of ramming someone in such a precarious position and diverts at the last second, checking the boards instead.

That's called respectful hockey, asshole. Take some notes.

And while you're at it, talk to Zetterberg on how to take care of your beard. Ugh.The caveman look is so not in right now.

Some back and forth hockey. Abby and Filppula team up for a rush, which Rinne stones. Miller mixes it up a bit after a whistle.

With about a minute left in the period, Modano receives a surprisingly good pass from Ericsson on the rush... and nails the crossbar. Fucking lovely.

For those that are interested in such things, it was in this building that Mike Modano became the all-time leading American goal scorer, when he potted his 502nd and 503rd goals.

The Third Period:

I'm so done with this game. This shit ain't worth two fucking points.

Jimmah makes some reassuring saves.

Bertuzzi and Cleary team up for a rush, but they pass it one too many times. Rinne makes a save or two, Zetterberg fishes for the rebound....


Those train whistles in the crowd are killing me.

Holmstrom mucks around in the crease.

Playoff tickets go on sale soon. Always good to see.

When the Preds drive the net Zetterberg takes a penalty. Bertuzzi mixes it up after the whistle.

Commercial break, and we return to find that Zetterberg has gone to the locker room, presumably with an equipment issue, leaving Cleary to serve his penalty.

Now, they don't have to put someone in the box to serve for Zetterberg. They could leave the box empty, and then throw someone in the box after the first whistle if they so desired. You mostly try for that on major penalties though, because that could backfire if there's no whistle. Then you're stuck undermanned until there is a whistle.

Anyway. Penalty kill time. The Preds score when a puck bounces off Big E straight to Blum, who bangs it home past the adjusting Jimmah.

More retarded chanting by the crowd.

The Wings follow this up with a good shift, Kronwall, Miller, and Abdelkader having some fun.

Franson decides to sock Eaves in the back of the head no less than four times. Eaves declines to fight. The refs don't call anything here for some retarded reason.

Fight meeee
Bertuzzi will be the first to tell you that sometimes the fist to the back of the head play doesn't work out quite as you planned it.


Some enterprising Detroit fans bring on the octopus.

Always good to see
More hockey. Time becoming a factor.

Then Suter crosschecks Helm on a breakaway and heads to the box.

Power play time. Lidstrom drills it from the point. There's mad chaos for the rebound. Rinne makes some saves. I say awful things to my computer monitor.

Zetterberg and Cleary go fishing.

Lidstrom saves us from a breakaway when Fil and Holmstrom can't handle the puck along the boards.

And then we ice the puck.

Who ices the puck on the power play? Really?

And then someone throws a gigantic stuffed catfish on the ice and some attractive blond puck bunny comes out and removes it.

Touche, Pred fans. Touche.

Mick chuckles to himself for at least 30 seconds.

There's some discussion as to where someone might procure that in the arena. Really baggy pants?

Wasted power play.

A minute left. Jimmah books it to the bench.

There's some crazy hockey.

Babcock calls his timeout at the next whistle. We've got just under 40 seconds of play.

Don't let these hillbilly fuckwits win, boys
Zetterberg and Cleary discuss some strategy. Cleary takes the draw. After a scramble, the Preds come up with the puck.

And nail the empty netter.


So the Preds take the season series against Detroit. But that's okay. I look forward to when they get trounced in the first round of the playoffs, as per usual.


Don't Think We Didn't Notice:

The Preds played a disgustingly dirty game of hockey tonight. Good to know that when shit's on the line they're not above gooning it up for 2 points.

Zetterberg had an equipment issue after tripping a Predator and needed a trip to the locker room, so his penalty is Served With Pride by Danny Cleary.

Taking one for the team

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